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Thread: Jokes

  1. #1
    like fuck Bhoys Dont Cry's Avatar
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    May 2009
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    Brisbane

    Default Jokes

    Whats brown and sticky?

    A stick.

    Whats blue and sticky?

    Smurf cum.

    --------

    Woman in labour shouting the usual crap,
    'Get this out of me' Give me the drugs' she turns to her boyfreind and says
    "You did this to me you fcuker" He replies casusally
    " If you remember correctly i wanted to stick it up your ars but you said 'fcuk that it'll be to painfull'
    Now who's laughing.."

    -------

    A man is in the final stages of his police interview after passing all the other aspects of the test.

    "This is a new test and is the last to see if you make it. You've got to go out and shoot 2 immigrants, 2 druggies and a rabbit", said the interviewer.

    "Why do I have to shoot the rabbit?" Asked the applicant.

    "Good answer, you've passed".
    --------------

    A Celtic and Zombies fan collide in a huge accident on the motorway. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.

    "This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends" says the Celtic fan "I agree" replies the Zombies fan

    The Celtic fan then returns to the wreckage of his car, and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.

    "Look" he says to the Zombies fan, "this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival"

    He hands the bottle over to the Zombies fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the Celtic fan, who then puts the top back on & returns the bottle to his car.

    "Aren't you having any?" asks the Zombies fan. "No" replied the Celtic fan, "I think Iíll wait til the Police get here."




  2. #2
    like fuck Bhoys Dont Cry's Avatar
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    May 2009
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    Brisbane

    Default Re: Jokes

    Why do women fake orgasms?


    Because they think we care.
    ---------

    The Banana Test

    There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals,
    a lion, a chimpanzee, a giraffe, and a squirrel, who pass by.
    They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.

    Who do you think will win?

    Your answer will reflect your personality.

    So think carefully . . Try and answer within 30 seconds

    Got your answer?

    Now scroll down to see the analysis.





    If you picked:


    Lion - you're dull.


    Chimpanzee - you're a moron.


    Giraffe - you're a complete idiot.


    Squirrel - you're just hopelessly stupid.



    A Coconut tree Doesn't have Bananas!!!!!

    Obviously you're stressed and overworked.

  3. #3
    BANGTIDY ! Denny's Avatar
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    May 2009
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    0.71 Miles From Paradise

    Default Re: Jokes

    LAWL...

    whats black and ..... oh racism

    whats blind and screams ?
    stevie wonder answering the iron

  4. #4
    Strange Times green_t's Avatar
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    May 2009
    Location
    Scotland

    Default Re: Jokes

    A husband comes home from the pub with a sheep under his arm, goes into his bedroom and says, "this is the pig i've been telling you about",, his wife says, "thats not a pig, it's a sheep",, the husband says, "I was talking to the sheep"
    "Celtic is important to me in as much as it's one of the only constants in my life over the years. I have changed and become various things but it is the one constant. Religion, friendships have come and gone, likes and dislikes have come and gone, but Celtic has remained." - Billy Connolly

  5. #5
    Celtic Legend metrobhoy2's Avatar
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    May 2009
    Location
    Glasgow

    Default Re: Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by Denny View Post
    LAWL...

    whats black and ..... oh racism

    whats blind and screams ?
    stevie wonder answering the iron
    That was a cracker and I failed the test above:getmycoat:

  6. #6
    Celtic Under 19s aidan_mcanespie's Avatar
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    May 2009
    Location
    Scotland - Paisley

    Default Re: Jokes

    LOL crackers.

    Ill post a few later...


  7. #7
    Fantastic Expectations... Squire's Avatar
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    May 2009
    Location
    Cumbernauld

    Default Re: Jokes

    Hear about the fly that won the lottery?

    Bought a shite in Spain

    ------------------------------------

    Why is 6 scared of 7?

    Because 7 ate 9

    ------------------------------------

    Am here all week

    'IF YOU GET TIRED, OF JUST HANGIN AROUND
    PICK UP A GUITAR, AND SPIN A WEB OF SOUND'

  8. #8
    Celtic Legend metrobhoy2's Avatar
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    May 2009
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    Glasgow

    Default Re: Jokes

    I guess it's the way you tell 'em Squire

  9. #9

    Default Re: Jokes

    Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

    As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, "Save the women!"

    George W. Bush hysterically hollers, "Screw the women!"

    Bill Clinton's asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"

    --------------------------------

    Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.

    "What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

    "Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

    "How long did it take you?"

    "Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"

  10. #10
    the last heretic Stagger Lee's Avatar
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    May 2009
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    lost in a prison of my own devise

    Default Re: Jokes

    Naked man looks in the mirror and says to his wife "why do i get a hard on when i see myself naked?", wife replies "cos even your cock thinks you're a fanny"

  11. #11
    Plastic Scot Buzzbhoy's Avatar
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    May 2009
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    Kildare

    Default Re: Jokes

    What do you call an irish man who breaks up fights?


    Liam Malone

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